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Sunday, 24 July 2005
I almost forgot your face... till they played that song tonight
Mood:
 blue
Now Playing: All american rejects; Lost in you
Topic: WhirlwindThoughts
the one we used to HATE
Gah i feel sad at the moment.. just listened to greenday int he car and i was thinking about adrian... dammit i shouldn't do this beause everytime i think of hiom stuff starts plaguing my mind and i got home, went upstairs and started crying... :( i couldn't help it...
i was also listening to Paper Heart and some lyrics like:
Simple things that make you run away
[reminded me of ad leaving coz he couldn't take a joke; and henry leaving coz i got upset over silly things]
Catch you if i can
[reminded me of chasing after mike... and n0ow henry by joining his site]
Bottle up old love, throw it out to sea, wash it away as you cry
[I've cried enoguh tears to wash anything away ^_^;... also reminded me of distance]
a year has passed, the seasons grow
[A year HAS passed since me and henry broke up]
winter nights my bedside is cold, for i have gone, spring blossoms you to me
[Henry was mean to be visiting me at xmas... me and ad broke up at xmas.. dumped mike at xmass... got back with henry for spring.... same with ad]
*sigh* v_v i can't block anythig out of mind right now.. passed tori's house before and i wanted to go torch it >_< i would too... but not sure which wone exactly it is... so have to burn the whole block...
and that reminds me of her and ad arraneging to sleep together and the fact they probaably alreday have and then the other thing about me wanting to burn down the church ast his wedding which reminded me of him gettign married which reminds me of the reason we broke up which reminds me of him cheating on me which reminds me of kati which reminds me of the note she wrote to me appologising but i couldn't forgive her and which remidns me of havingt os ee her everyday and her being smarmy and oastign about it which reminds me of her and tori talking about me and him behind my back and laughing just before kati puleld him and ori went to sleepw ith him which reminds me of henry for some reason cheating on me with that person.... uhh... jamie thats it which reminds me of zd and all the bad things i've done... shane's right i am evil and i deserve everything i get which makes me wonder whats goood about myself really? why do i even bother living in this world?! wouldn't i nbe better off dead... which makes me deprssed which makes me slit... v_v
hacven't yet because goigng gym tomorrow but after that.... *sigh* i dunno...
but the weird thing is... when he ringsme all that stuff goes out of my head
but if i think of loving him so much i'd sleep with him then it all comes back and my minds screaming "NOOOOOOO!"and i can't block that out ;_;
plus theres mike to sorry about too.
ghost left me this messages on yahoo
duckmandrake2000 (24/07/2005 01:34:29): sorry I haven't been on latly, but I've really been busy latly, but I should be on alot more in about a week or so
duckmandrake2000 (24/07/2005 01:34:46): missing you, Scott
i think he might fancy me >.<
well went to BBQ on friday... bit borin... jade insulted us all,.. becks left us..watched Big Bro that was about it... *yawn*
want a greenday cd[for some reason] and another all american rejects and sugarcult and the used. but bleh...
got a corset ?3 yesterday yey!
been walking today and had mcdonalds...yey...
GAH!
gran just been on phone for 8minutes!
and i got about 5 words in thats all!
I WANNA SCREAM AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
anyway today also been in lyme hall... found out grandad's great grandad was lord stamford who owned dunham hall but he was gay and had no kids so when he died his sister got it in london, she didn't have enough money and gave it to the national trust to look after it.
Also found out lady Jane grey [who was queen for 6 days before queen elizabeth took over and beheaded her] was also my relation because she was a relation of the stamfords.
anyway random time:
Tori will have your babies
Obviously likes black
Rapes guys for fun
Is mentally unstable
Acts like a 5 yr old
N eurotic
A>/strong>ttempts suicide
_&
N othing you can say will ever change her.
bought new stuff on gaia ^_6 but so's everyone else dammit so after web set now
it'll take me 5 years to get an omg hat.. i worked it out if i post everyday and got about 300-500 gold per day
half a year to get Nightmareheadband
and 3/4 year-year to get NitemareScarf
great >_<
might have to quest and hope people will donate but they hardly ever do v_V
better get polling then...
urgh feel so deprssed... i bet adrain doens't buy me anything from Germany >_>
.:*:.~Taeno~.:*:.
Posted by angelondeathrow
at 6:58 PM BST
Wednesday, 20 July 2005
.:*:.~Would anything matter if you're already dead~.:*:.
Mood:
 don't ask
Now Playing: Disturbed; Remember
Topic: WhirlwindThoughts
Well this is my first actually online journal... ok i lied i DO have a journal on gaia online and i DO..well DID have one on quiet a few forums but none like this.
Anyway update of life then.
I'm OBSESSED with this my chemical romance song which a lyric of it is in my title; i love it half was through. (btw it's early sunest over monroeville)
But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But does anything matter if you're already dead?
And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?
Love it... ^_^;
ok yes update not ramble (but i do ramble soz)
Well I'm going out with adrian (have been for over 3 weeks i think now)but my friends don't know i am (all except alice) because they'll be pissed off, i know they will. Becky was being nosy today like teh other day. I said i'd been to the cinema and she said "who with" but i just said it wasn't her buisness. She suspects something i know it coz today she said "Who you textin'" and i ignored her. She wants to know... nosy lil... heh :P
but yeah if they found out well... i dunno how they'll recat but it WON'T be good...
but this means i can't talkt o anyone about it.. except alice but then again don't like talkin to people about relationships lol.
Anyway.. keep saying that damn... ialso keep saying" awe bless" which is pissing me off >_<
adrian's gone to germany today :( i told himt o text me when he got there but he hasn't.. i hope he's ok :( mighta got wrong phone.
I feel really distant from people recently...
Well on monday ifelt like a guy but i was in my "omgawd i wanna dress like adrian "mood so i wore a dragon t-shirt thatwas too big and my hoodie and my baggy ripped jeans lolz. tenj said i looked like a chav when i had my hood up gurrrrr *pouts*
but yeah oday i wore my corset top and stuff and i felt i looked ok but... i dunno just jade and everyone seem distant from me and becky said to me today that i wasn't sleepin round at her house which was a bit of a... "oh... uhh why?" coz what have i done wrong? hmm... no-body loves me *sob* v_v
had interform the other day GODDAMMIT i hate sports! and i was umpire and rachel shaw so pissed me off! She's meant to be my friend to and i was against her form but me and the other umpire are friends so we were talking and watching the game and it wasrachel's turn so i was like "Oh god o" coz i know how competetive rachel can be. There was a ball throw but she started screaming it was a no ball so we said it was too... then it was thrown again and she swung her bat but missed it and ran all the way round... meant she got half.
Oh no she didn't like that and stormed over saying" i hit the ball behind and got all the way round! i get a whole roudn not half".
If she fucking hi the ball behind she shoudl stop at first which meant she was fucking otu BITCH DON'T U KNOW THE FUCKING RULES AND DON'T ARGUE WITH ME COZ I DO KNOW THEM!
and she said "i've had much better umpires than you" to both of us and started talking about oter umpires. I just said "I don't really care. It's umpired judgement and we say that you didn't hit it but got half a rounder now deal with it and carry on." and she just said "well ok...but you're not very good umpires"
OOO i wanted to hit her so much! she got me dso mad! I went home, went into the bathroom, started settign stuff on fire, slit my wrist, stained my blood on a tissue with her name written on it backwards and soaked it in blood then set it aight and cursed her... I HOPE SHE FUCKING DIES!
anyway i am a bit stressed i admit >_> my mum's not welll.. she keeps throwing up, ebing sick etc and it said that she's got... 1 in 19 could be cancerous... >_>
also forgot to mention that i was being negative yesterday to to mike and he seemed upset and i feel bad about it... >_> damn.. i wish i had money to go see him >_<
what else...
found out jade tossed off a guy in the park once...
and that charlie had sex when going out with this guy for one day lmao.
i don't wanna have sex... well sometimes i do and sometimes i don't... i'll have to see but i don't really wanna have sex with adrian or mike right at the moment... i don't even know if i feel that strongly about mike anymore he's hardly online. theres no chance we can see each other anytime soon and i get more affection off adrian tan him and thats saying something as adrian;s constantly taking the piss otu of me and kicking me!!! -.-
i want a gothic guy.... v_V bleh
anyway going becky's on firday still for the BBQ but not stauin as she doens't want me to *grumble* gonna get VHF tomorrow and get a lil drunk.. might take some to the party with me hehehehe get pissed XD
school was borin today really.. always is.. one more day yey! sports assembly tomorrow NOO! :(
i don't even knoww hat lessons i have...
man i'm so tired... i wanna go sleep *yawn* meh...my head always hurts... always feel tired gur
and i should ring my half brother dan coz dad said so but i thin it's a ploy to get me to talk to gran who WNATED ME ABORTED BITCH I'M NEVER GONNA TALK TO HER UNLESS IT'S FACE TO FACE AND I'LL SLAP HER SILLY! XD
anyway gonna go.. chow!
~.:*:.~Taeno~.:*:.~
Posted by angelondeathrow
at 7:22 PM BST
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